Now, we can't have a family relations blog without a little discussion about love.
OK, so it's 2013 and dating has the general definition of being exclusive with one person, a.k.a you have a boyfriend or girlfriend. In many places in society this means that you're saying I love you, having sex, perhaps even cohabitation after a while.
But really, this is not what dating should be at all. I am a culprit of dating exclusively and probably always will be, but I don't want that to detract from what I say in this post, because if you can form a habit that is better than mine, you will have a much more fulfilling experience.
Dating exclusively does in fact limit the opportunities people have of finding that special person out there. It hinders your growth as far as what your ideal partner would be like. More importantly, it makes it much more difficult to maintain the standards that you have for yourself. It also takes you away from being social with friends, going out, etc. You slip into a routine that is hard to get out of. Lastly, and I assure you I do not exaggerate when I say that ending exclusive relationships has to be one of the most painful experiences in life. Focusing on one person who is almost guaranteed to be an 'ex' at some point is just not worth the months of sadness and heartache that follow.
So why do I continue to date exclusively? you may ask. I don't know. All I know is that over the last year, I have tried to be better about not becoming exclusive with the first person I meet.
Dating multiple people in a short space of time is not a slutty thing. You aren't 'getting around,' you're just using the opportunity to meet the right person to its full potential. (Disclaimer: this type of dating requires you to be sensible, and maintain chastity).You're socializing, making friends, learning about yourself, and you're not letting it consume your life. It helps strengthen the standards that you hold for what you are looking for in a spouse.
What happens when you want to be exclusive? Well, first of, exclusivity should take a little while to get to. But once you're there, you should enter a state of courtship. This means that you don't just begin a free for all, but simply increase the intimacy and affection between you. This is not a time for sex or even heavy kissing. This is for wholesome activities that you can do together as a couple that allow you to learn and grow together. This is where the little things come in and the connection you ave together should strengthen. I promise you that if you spend this whole time making out, your connection to your significant other will never be as strong and meaningful as it should be.
Courting is so important for preparation to become a spouse. It teaches you to care about what's important and not focus on grand gestures and lust. It drives you to appreciate each other on a level that lust will never accomplish.
Thanks for sharing some personal connections and insights! It sounds as if you have definitely learned from past experiences and have learned some very important lessons on the way. What are some of the most important lessons you have learned through the dating process? How can dating a variety of individuals influence our future marriages? You mentioned that the courting process teaches the couple "to care about what is important?" How can courting do this?
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